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Dearest Readers (or, To Whom It May Concern),
This chapter sucks. I hate this chapter, but I have to post something or go missing in action. That is the motivation behind this utter drivel, this poor excuse for a chapter. I hate it. I hate myself for writing it. I hate my family for making me, who wrote it. I hate this planet for making my family who made me who wrote it. I hate this universe for making this planet which made my family who made me who = wrote it.
(Actually, that's not true; I'm rather proud of this chapter. =20 What I really mean is, I've been feeling depressed lately and want everybody to shower me with praise and refutations of my prior claim of ineptitude. I'm fishing for compliments in the deep blue seas of pity, with the live bait of false modesty.)
Thanks in advance,=20 Rich Bailey
M Y S T I C T R I O: S I X T E E N
(P a r d o n M e W h i l e I H a v e A)
S T R A N G E I N T E R L U D E
The crimson orb of the sun set behind Osric Dragonbane and his motley crew as they departed the capitol city of Shinbi island. In = their straw hats and traditional peasant robes, the de iure rulers of the Dragonbane Empire had both fine souvenirs and fine disguises, a key element in the next phase of their master scheme. As they walked down = the dusty dirt road leading to the port, a cool breeze blew by them, swaying the tall grass that lined either side of their departure path. Into the otherwise silent evening, Ozzie explained in four succinct words their ingenius plan for the trip to College Town, their next target.
"We pirate a boat."
Flea palmed his face and shook his head slowly, letting a pointed and loud sigh slip through his lips. "Ozzie, do you have the slightest inkling how to operate a deep-seas vessel? Or how much work pirating involves?"
"I figured I'd just have you and Slash do the work."
Flea stamped his foot, falling behind a step as the others kept walking. Catching up, he protested, "And by that, you mean I, Flea, = have to navigate the ship! And I, Flea, have to operate the masts and the, the, whatever-you-call-its! And I, Flea--"
"Have to zip it!"
Flea crossed his arms and cast his eyes down, pouting as they continued on in silence. After a moment, Slash broke the quiet by = saying something that they really had not expected him to say. "I think it = shall be quite romantic. We will fight for what is right, three = swash-buckling heroes against the world of darkness."
With a sarcastic smirk, Flea wondered aloud, "Isn't there another sword you'd rather swing about than the one on your back?"
"That was my imposter brother," Slashed spat, scowling. "And I shall thank you never to mention him again."
"Zip it," Ozzie growled. "I think we need to have some quiet time."
Several minutes passed in silence, the cool breeze calming nerves and carrying stray cherry blossoms off to their destinies. Darkness, though it had been coming for quite some time, seemed to envelop them = all at once, draping their world into mysterious silver moonlight. Even in the quiet, though, there was sound; a trickling brook off to one side, a rustle in the brush on the other.
"Jerk," Flea accused Slash.
A cloud passed over the moon, casting them briefly into darkness. The breeze picked up, sending brief chills down their spines, but in a moment the darkness passed and their quiet walk continued as if nothing had happened.
"Pansy."
Slash gritted his teeth.
"Wuss."
Slash finally replied, growling, "Harlot!"
"Jerk-off!"
"Quean!"
"Asshole!"
"Listen, you lily-livered little strumpet, I ought to--"
"ZIP IT!"
Slash and Flea stopped in their tracks, and turned back to Ozzie who had stopped in his own several tracks ago. Their ponderously large and thunderously loud leader roared, "When I tell you two ladies to shut your mouths, by God, I mean it! Turn off your noise makers! Stuff a = sock in it! Make no sound! Not even a peep!"
Fuming, the three continued into the night. The breeze let up entirely, and the air warmed some as a result, but it was still a chilly evening. Off to the sides, the stream still trickled, and small animals hopped into the brush as they advanced. As the night got later and = later, wolves began to howl and swamp frogs began their trilling.
"I said not a FRICKEN peep!" Ozzie bellowed. "Which one of you clowns is doing that!"
"It's the frogs," Flea protested.
"I'll bet it is!" Ozzie reached up and grabbed Flea's collar, pulling him down to his eye level. "I said shut up, and I meant it!"
Ozzie released Flea, and the three continued on. Soon, they came to the end of the path, where dirt road gave way to wooden dock. =20 Pointing out at a distant light on the water, one torch marking the position of a vulnerable ship, Ozzie said, "Boys, we're almost there."
Of course, "almost there" is a relative term. One-hundred and fifty thousand cantics is "almost there" to the moon, one-hundred and fifty thousand mentics is "almost there" from the Imperial Palace to Tim Horton's Donuts, and one-hundred and fifty thousand fintics is "almost there" from Ozzie's bed to the royal kitchen. Half a cantic is nowhere near "almost there" when you have to cross a river without a rowboat.
EDITOR'S NOTE: For the sake of our beloved author's rather fragile = sanity, we will now skip ahead in continuity. The author apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause your similarly fragile minds.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled plot, already in progress.
"This stinks," Flea complained (rather justly, Slash thought).
"It's great!" Ozzie snapped, manning the helm. "The roar of the sea, the fresh salt spray..."
"The decaying waste product of an entire nation," Flea added.
Ozzie glowered.
"Honestly, Ozzie, did you HAVE to pick a garbage scow to plunder?"
"Yar har har," Ozzie said. "Stay thy scurvy tongue or I'll have ye swabbin' the poop deck with it!"
"What is a poop deck, anyway?"
"In this case," Slash interjected, "it is literal."
Flea sighed, and looked forward to an awful trip to College Town.
"Nines," Slash offered, covering a hideous yawn with his hand.
"Go fish," Flea replied, equally bored.
Slash shrugged and picked up a pole from its mount on the wall, and climbed the stairs to the deck.
Flea blinked; Slash had to be joking.
Flea waited. Slash wasn't stupid!
Flea wondered who he was trying to fool.
He waved a hand at the deck of cards, and they shuffled themselves and filed back into a pocket on the inside of his cape. He waved a hand in front of his mouth, but it did little to dispel the yawn. Sailing = was very, very boring.
He strolled onto the deck, barely supressing his gag reflex as the stench assaulted his delicate nostrils. "Caught anything yet?"
"Yes, actually," Slash said, reclining on stacked packaging crates.
"What is it?"
"It's a person, actually."
"What!?"
Slash proceeded to pull a full-grown man out of the fish bucket at his side. Flea didn't bother to wonder about the physics; it was = probably a magic bucket, of the type used by fishermen all over. How very, very odd this was, though.
"I Command you to let me go!"
The man's voice was proud and clearly full of himself. Flea hadn't realized that you could pronounce capital letters, in fact, but there it was.
The man continued to dangle in Slash's grasp despite his firm, commanding voice and air of presumptuous superiority.
"Hey," Flea said, stroking his soft chin. "You feel familiar."
"It is almost as if I have held this scrawny neck in my hands before," Slash commented, over the sputtering and growling of a = red-faced captive.
"No, no, that's not what I meant." Flea grinned triumphantly. =20 "Of course! His aural reading is off, like he's not from this world. He's from one a lot closer to ours."
"I am from Zeal!" the man protested, at last finding the opportunity and the courage to worm his way into the conversation. "I = am the Lord Dalton of Zeal, and I Command you to LET ME DOWN AT THIS VERY INSTANT!"
"Zeal," Flea said.
"I am Enlightened!"
Flea scowled. "Will you stop pronouncing your capital letters? =20 It's giving me a headache." He waved a hand dismissively. "Slash, let him down. He's not going anyplace."
Lord Dalton landed fairly comfortably, given the circumstances, on a decaying and rather smelly goat.
"Zeal," Flea continued, quite possibly to himself although both Slash and Dalton listened in on his monologue, "was a legendary floating kingdom supposed to have existed some thirteen, fourteen thousand years before my time. Its destruction at the hands of some meddlesome = children (or Lavos, according to some stories) resulted in a release of magical energy that enchanted most of the world, and led to the creation of several magic species. Among those enchanted by the burst were the = Imps, which evolved over a course of the next ten thousand years into modern Mystics."
Slash peered through his beady white eyes at Lord Dalton. "And this, ahem, 'gentleman'..."
"Says he was there!" Flea jumped cheerfully into the air and clapped, reminding himself rather disturbingly of Marle, and realizing this, stopped.
"The knowledge we could pry from his tiny human brain would be invaluable to the historians of our world," Slash commented aloud. = Dalton swallowed hard.
"Now, listen, you slimy bugger of a.. a.. slimy bugger! I AM LORD DALTON! I am from ZEAL!"
"Yes, your Lordship," Flea said sweetly. It was the kind of sweetness that, although you enjoy it, suggested that the sugar was = laced with iocane powder.
"That's better," Dalton enunciated. "In the name of Zeal and the Queen, and Lavos the Destroyer, I hereby christen this vessel... the Hydro-Dalton Imperial!"
As His Displaced Lordship Dalton laughed heartily and pumped his fists into the air, a horrible wrenching sensation shook the = Hydro-Dalton Imperial, and a scraping sound not unlike a metal vessel hitting rocks = and tearing in half filled the air. It was not unlike that because it was precisely that. Flea looked up at College Town, which stood silhouetted against the setting sun on the horizon.
"We be here, arr," said Ozzie, waddling triumphantly onto the deck. "I told ye I'd get us here, arr. Arr har har," he added.
Flea and Slash nodded. It wasn't as if they had anything to say that wouldn't get them flogged, or chained in the brig, or something.
"And who be this land-lubbin' swine?"
"I! AM! LORD! DALTON! OF! ZEAL!"
Ozzie reached up and grabbed the taller human by the throat. His tiyn white eyes narrowed into slits. "Yar, and I be Greenchins Osric Dragonbane, scourge o' these four seas. You'll be walkin' the plank = now."
"I have NEVER been treated so poorly! Release me at Once!"
Ozzie did, roughly, sending Lord Dalton crashing over the railing and onto the shore below. It was, unfortunately, a mere twenty foot = drop, and judging by the awkward position of his legs it served only to break them and not his neck.
"Hey!" the human called, as Ozzie, Slash, and Flea rigged a boarding platform that carried them safely onto the sands. They began = to walk towards the city. "Hey, you can't leave me here! I am Lord Dalton! I am Enlightened! I AM FROM ZEAL!"
"Really, I am!"
"From Zeal, I mean!"
"I'm Enlightened..."
"I COMMAND YOU!"
"Come back?"
"PLEASE!"
"Oh, bugger..."
That night, the weasels came.
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<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <HTML><HEAD> <META content=3D"text/html; charset=3Diso-8859-1" = http-equiv=3DContent-Type> <META content=3D"MSHTML 5.00.2614.3500" name=3DGENERATOR> <STYLE></STYLE> </HEAD> <BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><BR> Dearest Readers<BR> (or, = To Whom It=20 May Concern),</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> This chapter sucks. I hate = this=20 chapter, but I have to post<BR>something or go missing in action. = That is=20 the motivation behind this<BR>utter drivel, this poor excuse for a=20 chapter. I hate it. I hate myself<BR>for writing it. I = hate my=20 family for making me, who wrote it. I hate<BR>this planet for = making my=20 family who made me who wrote it. I hate this<BR>universe for = making this=20 planet which made my family who made me who wrote<BR>it.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> (Actually, that's not true; I'm = rather proud=20 of this chapter. <BR>What I really mean is, I've been feeling = depressed=20 lately and want<BR>everybody to shower me with praise and refutations of = my=20 prior claim of<BR>ineptitude. I'm fishing for compliments in the = deep blue=20 seas of pity,<BR>with the live bait of false modesty.)</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Thanks in advance, <BR> Rich =
Bailey</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial=20 size=3D2><BR> = =20 M Y S T I C T R I O: S I X T E E=20 N<BR> &n= bsp; =20 <BR> &nb= sp; =20 (P a r d o n M e W h i l e I H a v e =20 A)<BR> &= nbsp; =20 S T R A N G E I N T E R L U D E</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><BR> The crimson orb of the sun = set behind=20 Osric Dragonbane and his<BR>motley crew as they departed the capitol = city of=20 Shinbi island. In their<BR>straw hats and traditional peasant = robes, the=20 de iure rulers of the<BR>Dragonbane Empire had both fine souvenirs and = fine=20 disguises, a key<BR>element in the next phase of their master = scheme. As=20 they walked down the<BR>dusty dirt road leading to the port, a cool = breeze blew=20 by them, swaying<BR>the tall grass that lined either side of their = departure=20 path. Into the<BR>otherwise silent evening, Ozzie explained in = four=20 succinct words their<BR>ingenius plan for the trip to College Town, = their next=20 target.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "We pirate a boat."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Flea palmed his face and shook = his head=20 slowly, letting a pointed<BR>and loud sigh slip through his lips. = "Ozzie,=20 do you have the slightest<BR>inkling how to operate a deep-seas = vessel? Or=20 how much work pirating<BR>involves?"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I figured I'd just have you and = Slash do the=20 work."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Flea stamped his foot, falling = behind a step=20 as the others kept<BR>walking. Catching up, he protested, "And by = that,=20 you mean I, Flea, have<BR>to navigate the ship! And I, Flea, have = to=20 operate the masts and the,<BR>the, whatever-you-call-its! And I,=20 Flea--"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Have to zip it!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Flea crossed his arms and cast = his eyes down,=20 pouting as they<BR>continued on in silence. After a moment, Slash = broke=20 the quiet by saying<BR>something that they really had not expected him = to=20 say. "I think it shall<BR>be quite romantic. We will fight = for what=20 is right, three swash-buckling<BR>heroes against the world of=20 darkness."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> With a sarcastic smirk, Flea = wondered aloud,=20 "Isn't there another<BR>sword you'd rather swing about than the one on = your=20 back?"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "That was my imposter brother," = Slashed spat,=20 scowling. "And I<BR>shall thank you never to mention him=20 again."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Zip it," Ozzie growled. "I = think we=20 need to have some quiet<BR>time."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Several minutes passed in = silence, the cool=20 breeze calming nerves<BR>and carrying stray cherry blossoms off to their =
destinies. Darkness,<BR>though it had been coming for quite some = time,=20 seemed to envelop them all<BR>at once, draping their world into = mysterious=20 silver moonlight. Even in<BR>the quiet, though, there was sound; a =
trickling brook off to one side, a<BR>rustle in the brush on the=20 other.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Jerk," Flea accused = Slash.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> A cloud passed over the moon, = casting them=20 briefly into darkness.<BR>The breeze picked up, sending brief chills = down their=20 spines, but in a<BR>moment the darkness passed and their quiet walk = continued as=20 if nothing<BR>had happened.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Pansy."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Slash gritted his = teeth.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Wuss."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Slash finally replied, growling,=20 "Harlot!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Jerk-off!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Quean!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Asshole!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Listen, you lily-livered little = strumpet, I=20 ought to--"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "ZIP IT!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Slash and Flea stopped in their = tracks, and=20 turned back to Ozzie<BR>who had stopped in his own several tracks = ago. =20 Their ponderously large<BR>and thunderously loud leader roared, "When I = tell you=20 two ladies to shut<BR>your mouths, by God, I mean it! Turn off = your noise=20 makers! Stuff a sock<BR>in it! Make no sound! Not even = a=20 peep!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Fuming, the three continued into = the=20 night. The breeze let up<BR>entirely, and the air warmed some as a = result,=20 but it was still a chilly<BR>evening. Off to the sides, the stream = still=20 trickled, and small animals<BR>hopped into the brush as they = advanced. As=20 the night got later and later,<BR>wolves began to howl and swamp frogs = began=20 their trilling.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I said not a FRICKEN peep!" = Ozzie=20 bellowed. "Which one of you<BR>clowns is doing that!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "It's the frogs," Flea=20 protested.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I'll bet it is!" Ozzie = reached up and=20 grabbed Flea's collar,<BR>pulling him down to his eye level. "I = said shut=20 up, and I meant it!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Ozzie released Flea, and the = three continued=20 on. Soon, they came<BR>to the end of the path, where dirt road = gave way to=20 wooden dock. <BR>Pointing out at a distant light on the water, one = torch=20 marking the<BR>position of a vulnerable ship, Ozzie said, "Boys, we're = almost=20 there."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Of course, "almost there" is a = relative=20 term. One-hundred and<BR>fifty thousand cantics is "almost there" = to the=20 moon, one-hundred and<BR>fifty thousand mentics is "almost there" from = the=20 Imperial Palace to Tim<BR>Horton's Donuts, and one-hundred and fifty = thousand=20 fintics is "almost<BR>there" from Ozzie's bed to the royal = kitchen. Half a=20 cantic is nowhere<BR>near "almost there" when you have to cross a river = without=20 a rowboat.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>EDITOR'S NOTE: For the sake of our = beloved author's=20 rather fragile sanity,<BR>we will now skip ahead in continuity. = The author=20 apologizes for any<BR>inconvenience this may cause your similarly = fragile=20 minds.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>We now return you to your regularly = scheduled plot,=20 already in progress.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "This stinks," Flea complained = (rather=20 justly, Slash thought).</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "It's great!" Ozzie snapped, = manning the=20 helm. "The roar of the<BR>sea, the fresh salt = spray..."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "The decaying waste product of an = entire=20 nation," Flea added.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Ozzie glowered.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Honestly, Ozzie, did you HAVE to = pick a=20 garbage scow to plunder?"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Yar har har," Ozzie said. = "Stay thy=20 scurvy tongue or I'll have<BR>ye swabbin' the poop deck with = it!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "What is a poop deck, = anyway?"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "In this case," Slash = interjected, "it is=20 literal."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Flea sighed, and looked forward = to an awful=20 trip to College Town.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Nines," Slash offered, covering = a hideous=20 yawn with his hand.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Go fish," Flea replied, equally=20 bored.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Slash shrugged and picked up a = pole from its=20 mount on the wall,<BR>and climbed the stairs to the deck.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Flea blinked; Slash had to be=20 joking.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Flea waited. Slash wasn't=20 stupid!</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Flea wondered who he was trying = to=20 fool.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> He waved a hand at the deck of = cards, and=20 they shuffled themselves<BR>and filed back into a pocket on the inside = of his=20 cape. He waved a hand<BR>in front of his mouth, but it did little = to=20 dispel the yawn. Sailing was<BR>very, very boring.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> He strolled onto the deck, barely = supressing=20 his gag reflex as the<BR>stench assaulted his delicate nostrils. = "Caught=20 anything yet?"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Yes, actually," Slash said, = reclining on=20 stacked packaging<BR>crates.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "What is it?"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "It's a person, = actually."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "What!?"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Slash proceeded to pull a = full-grown man out=20 of the fish bucket at<BR>his side. Flea didn't bother to wonder = about the=20 physics; it was probably<BR>a magic bucket, of the type used by = fishermen all=20 over. How very, very<BR>odd this was, though.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I Command you to let me = go!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> The man's voice was proud and = clearly full of=20 himself. Flea<BR>hadn't realized that you could pronounce capital = letters,=20 in fact, but<BR>there it was.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> The man continued to dangle in = Slash's grasp=20 despite his firm,<BR>commanding voice and air of presumptuous=20 superiority.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Hey," Flea said, stroking his = soft=20 chin. "You feel familiar."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "It is almost as if I have held = this scrawny=20 neck in my hands<BR>before," Slash commented, over the sputtering and = growling=20 of a red-faced<BR>captive.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "No, no, that's not what I = meant." Flea=20 grinned triumphantly. <BR>"Of course! His aural reading is = off, like=20 he's not from this<BR>world. He's from one a lot closer to=20 ours."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I am from Zeal!" the man = protested, at last=20 finding the<BR>opportunity and the courage to worm his way into the=20 conversation. "I am<BR>the Lord Dalton of Zeal, and I Command you = to LET=20 ME DOWN AT THIS VERY<BR>INSTANT!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Zeal," Flea said.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I am Enlightened!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Flea scowled. "Will you = stop=20 pronouncing your capital letters? <BR>It's giving me a = headache." He=20 waved a hand dismissively. "Slash, let<BR>him down. He's not = going=20 anyplace."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Lord Dalton landed fairly = comfortably, given=20 the circumstances, on<BR>a decaying and rather smelly goat.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Zeal," Flea continued, quite = possibly to=20 himself although both<BR>Slash and Dalton listened in on his monologue, = "was a=20 legendary floating<BR>kingdom supposed to have existed some thirteen, = fourteen=20 thousand years<BR>before my time. Its destruction at the hands of = some=20 meddlesome children<BR>(or Lavos, according to some stories) resulted in = a=20 release of magical<BR>energy that enchanted most of the world, and led = to the=20 creation of<BR>several magic species. Among those enchanted by the = burst=20 were the Imps,<BR>which evolved over a course of the next ten thousand = years=20 into modern<BR>Mystics."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Slash peered through his beady = white eyes at=20 Lord Dalton. "And<BR>this, ahem, 'gentleman'..."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Says he was there!" Flea = jumped=20 cheerfully into the air and<BR>clapped, reminding himself rather = disturbingly of=20 Marle, and realizing<BR>this, stopped.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "The knowledge we could pry from = his tiny=20 human brain would be<BR>invaluable to the historians of our world," = Slash=20 commented aloud. Dalton<BR>swallowed hard.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Now, listen, you slimy bugger of = a.. a..=20 slimy bugger! I AM LORD<BR>DALTON! I am from = ZEAL!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Yes, your Lordship," Flea said=20 sweetly. It was the kind of<BR>sweetness that, although you enjoy = it,=20 suggested that the sugar was laced<BR>with iocane powder.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "That's better," Dalton = enunciated. "In=20 the name of Zeal and the<BR>Queen, and Lavos the Destroyer, I hereby = christen=20 this vessel... the<BR>Hydro-Dalton Imperial!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> As His Displaced Lordship Dalton = laughed=20 heartily and pumped his<BR>fists into the air, a horrible wrenching = sensation=20 shook the Hydro-Dalton<BR>Imperial, and a scraping sound not unlike a = metal=20 vessel hitting rocks and<BR>tearing in half filled the air. It was = not=20 unlike that because it was<BR>precisely that. Flea looked up at = College=20 Town, which stood silhouetted<BR>against the setting sun on the=20 horizon.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "We be here, arr," said Ozzie, = waddling=20 triumphantly onto the<BR>deck. "I told ye I'd get us here, = arr. Arr=20 har har," he added.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Flea and Slash nodded. It = wasn't as if=20 they had anything to say<BR>that wouldn't get them flogged, or chained = in the=20 brig, or something.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "And who be this land-lubbin'=20 swine?"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I! AM! LORD! DALTON! OF! = ZEAL!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Ozzie reached up and grabbed the = taller human=20 by the throat. His<BR>tiyn white eyes narrowed into slits. = "Yar, and=20 I be Greenchins Osric<BR>Dragonbane, scourge o' these four seas. = You'll be=20 walkin' the plank now."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I have NEVER been treated so = poorly! =20 Release me at Once!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Ozzie did, roughly, sending Lord = Dalton=20 crashing over the railing<BR>and onto the shore below. It was,=20 unfortunately, a mere twenty foot drop,<BR>and judging by the awkward = position=20 of his legs it served only to break<BR>them and not his = neck.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Hey!" the human called, as = Ozzie, Slash, and=20 Flea rigged a<BR>boarding platform that carried them safely onto the=20 sands. They began to<BR>walk towards the city. "Hey, you = can't leave=20 me here! I am Lord<BR>Dalton! I am Enlightened! I AM = FROM=20 ZEAL!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Really, I am!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "From Zeal, I mean!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I'm Enlightened..."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "I COMMAND YOU!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Come back?"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "PLEASE!"</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> "Oh, bugger..."</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> That night, the weasels = came.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV></BODY></HTML>
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